Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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