I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.