You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ