Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...