now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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