just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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