I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
