Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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