I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
