Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
