My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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