Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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