Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
