she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't turn off my feet"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
