I wish I could teleport
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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