shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
