Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
