I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
