His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
