so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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