I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Shame - the story of my life.
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