Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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