I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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