so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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