I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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