jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
