so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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