Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
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