just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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