maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
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i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
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Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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