I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
