we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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