What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
