Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
