Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Never joke about your clitoris.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
