My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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