you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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