You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
