So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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