I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
