She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
