I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
