he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
