so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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