Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
