i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
