I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
