did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
