This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
