I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
