i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
