At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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