But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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