I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
either way he was missing a nipple.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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