There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
