I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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