I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
