I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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