He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it glows. i had to have it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
