apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
