you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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