I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
another moral hangover. fuck.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
