Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
