You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
