i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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