My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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