I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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