I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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